Why I Am Gay

My mother and father used to argue and fight a lot, so one day he left us.

My mother got so caught up chasing after

no good,

no account negroes

that she completely forgot about me.

I grew up really wanting her love,

wanting her to love me.

I never got it.

I remember it started long before freeze-tag. I always like to  put on

my mothers shoes.

You remember the Road Runner Show, the one with Wile. E. Coyote–

well that’s all I was thinking about.

I wasn’t even thinking about “hide-n-go-get-it”,

when these so-called men started touching on me.

The whole time they were doing these things to me they were telling

me that it was love,

that it was right.

“If you don’t do it, I’m ah tell your mother.”

I learned and was told shit that I shouldn’t have known or done until

I was grown.

I tried to tell some family members, but they didn’t want to talk about it.

It was like I deserved it,

like I asked for it.

So I grew up afraid.

I hit puberty and my feelings of love for my mother turned sexual.

And all of a sudden

I was attracted to her,

her,

and her,

but anger is what made me perpetuate it.

Somewhere along the line a part of me liked the feelings the sex brought.

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For years Oprah Winfrey has with her money and reach done many things to help people whether that help came from the Oprah show’s subject matter, giving her audience members cars or opening up a school in Africa. It can even be said her 2007 endorsement of Barack Obama is what put him over the top in his bid to become president of the United States of America. First let me be clear that while there is zero chance of my book being included in Oprah’s Book club, I have no problem with Oprah at all. Oprah Winfrey is an amazing person who has overcome unbelievable odds to become one of the most powerful and influential people in the world.


The Early Years

In September of 1986 The Oprah Winfrey Show was nationally syndicated. “Winfrey saw television’s power to blend public and private; while it links strangers and conveys information over public airwaves, TV is most often viewed in the privacy of our homes. Like a family member, it sits down to meals with us and talks to us in the lonely afternoons. Grasping this paradox, …She makes people care because she cares. That is Winfrey’s genius, and will be her legacy, as the changes she has wrought in the talk show continue to permeate our culture and shape our lives.” OPRAH WINFREY: The TV Host by Deborah Tannen,Time Magazine.

In the mid-1990s, Winfrey adopted a less tabloid-oriented format, doing shows about heart disease, spirituality, meditation and home decorating. She often interviews celebrities on issues that directly involve them in some way, such as cancer, charity work or substance abuse. In addition, she interviews ordinary people who have done extraordinary things or been involved in important current issues.

Oprah is the most-watched US daytime talk show, aims to empower women. This article examines the show’s representations of gender and how images of `race’, sexuality and class cross-cut them. It considers the show’s status as television psychology. It explores the show’s translation of aspects of black feminism to television, and discusses the social implications of its `super-real’ representations.” Empowering Women? The Oprah Winfrey Show. Feminism & Psychology February 1994, Corrine Squire

Oprah’s early years of triumph and success were built on shows of Abuse. Abuse that was always male and often a black one. If she had a story on cheating, she would follow the same model, males in general and black in particular. Do black men do these things? Sure they do, but on the Oprah show, it seemed as if all black men do these things.

If Oprah had a show for the great husbands, or fathers of America. The show would  be littered with white men, hardly if ever a black male, or even another minority male. Black male bad, White male good, Female superior are the themes that are constant to Oprah’s audience.

Fans of her show will never see her “bash” males, she brings others on the show for that. What you see when you watch her show is great gift ideas, good recipes, self-help advice, the rehabilitation of a celebrities career and who doesn’t get to know something about our favorite celebrities. She does invite males on her show, and they are usually viewed as “non-threatening”, or safe. And somehow her shows always seem to portray average black men as monsters and average white men as heroes. Yes it is Oprah’s show and she can do what she pleases with it. It is unfortunate that she seems to paint males as the very incarnation of violence, and young black males as monsters. For Oprah only women can be angels, and for the most part they are white as well.


We all understand helping women, but even more so we understand helping anyone in need, regardless of whether they too much hair on their face, or too much bass in their voice, this is just as egregious as helping someone due only to skin color. While there is no issues with Oprah the talk show host, there is an issue with Oprah the teacher, doctor or relationship expert by what she says and what she allows to be said on her show. She is to be commended because she is not and exploiter like Maury, Springer or Tyra. No one is perfect and this is something that Oprah, based on her history, should know first hand. In many respects Oprah deserves a lot of credit for tackling many important issues, except her own.



Part 2 Part 3

Some people felt that I was being too hard, or one-sided with my post The Man Rules. Here I have decided to decode some common phrases that men use when speaking to women. I wrote this to give women some much needed insight into ManSpeak. This list is in no particular order.

I don’t want a serious relationship right now.
This is relative to mental age. If he’s a “youngin” then he’s just setting you up for the booty call. If he has sense then he means I ONLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP with a woman who already has her act together, which most likely isn’t you… which is why he’s telling you this.

I want an independent woman.
This also depends on mental age. If he’s a “youngin” then most likely he’s just saying that because it sounds good, he thinks you want to hear this or he’s gauging your response. If he has sense then he means that he wants a woman who doesn’t get upset about petty things and who knows how to keep her head when things get tough or confusing.

Hello/ Hi/What’s up?
Do you want to sleep with me?

You want me to come over?
If I come over are we going to have sex?

I’m a virgin.
I am a virgin, as far as you know.

I’ve been celibate for 3 years.
I’ve been celibate for “3” weeks and I didn’t mean to write that in months.

I don’t like that.
Really, I don’t like that!

I don’t want any (more) children.

I really don’t want any(more) children!

Books that are changing everything

Times are tough.
This statement has a few meanings. It could mean that I date a lot so I wont have enough to take you out. Or that I have multiple children that I have to support so I wont have enough to take you out. Or a combination of the two. Either way he’s not trying to pay.

I’m a rapper.
I am unemployed.

Announcing that he has Washed the clothes/Cleaned/Took out the trash.
Foreplay is now over.

I had to leave my ‘ex’ she couldn’t handle a real man.
I got dumped, and I cried about it in the car.

I’m an author.
I’m broke, but I’ve got skills.

Would you mind if I poured you some wine?

I have no idea what I am doing, but I’m trying really hard.

I cleaned the whole house.
I tidied up a bit.

Hello baby/dear/honey/darling/love.
Do you want to sleep with me again?

Nice shoes/dress.
Do I have any chance of having sex with you? (I mean really what the hell does he know about fashion)

She’s cool as hell.
She is exactly what I have been looking for.

I like women who are physical and affectionate.
I like to be touched, but don’t go overboard.

I need to be alone right now.
I want a woman who will make me FEEL better when I’m with her than I do in my everyday life as a single man and since you’re not her…bounce.

Can I call you?
Let me present my resume and you can determine if I can have sex with you?

You ain’t gonna give a brother your number?
Please, don’t embarrass me in front of all these people.

Good Morning.
Is it too early to see if I have a shot?

Hey “derogatory word”!
I have no clue how to speak, act or treat a woman, but do I still have a shot?

I’ve got to get up early in the morning.
This is often uttered when it is pretty clear that sex is going to go down, so I am setting up my exit strategy, so that I don’t have to sleep over.

I’ve got somewhere to go.
I have nowhere to go, but I rather be somewhere else or be with someone else.

I appreciate it.
Ladies don’t get it twisted this was hard for him to say so believe that it is sincere.

Now remember this list is a generalization and does not necessarily apply to “your” man, but it might. On a side note: if you are flirting with us, even in the least of possible ways, the possibility of having sex with you will be entertained, so don’t get upset when you are the one flirting with us.

The Man Rules The Woman Rules