interesting


Karrine and Lil Wayne

Dear Karrine Steffans,

I ride for you. I really do. Most people have no idea why. Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Dr. Ebony Utley, a writer and an associate professor of communication at California State University Long Beach. I write and teach about popular culture and relationships. When Confessions of a Video Vixen dropped, I assigned it to my hip hop class and made all my students purchase it.

Confessions was important because it forced readers to contextualize a vixen’s life. After my students exhausted all the different ways they could call you a ho, I pushed them to move past their judgments and critique gendered double standards about sexuality. I demanded that they imagine how it would change them if they were sexually assaulted, abused, and abandoned as a young girl. I encouraged them to consider the conditions that lead to escapism through sex, drugs, alcohol, and hip hop fantasies. Your book was a perfect opportunity to discuss how and why women make choices in a man’s world. I asked them to respect the chutzpah of a woman not that much older than they were who put it all out there—haters be damned.

When it came time to build my brand, I modeled it after yours. Your early websites were my favorites. I learned form you that pink is a power color. You taught me how to be sexy and smart. I subscribe to the newsletter, buy the books, read the damn blog. In fact, The Vixen Manual is kinda like an Our Bodies, Ourselves for the hip hop generation. Okay, that’s an overstatement, but the pictures were a nice touch.

Your newest book How to Make Love to A Martian was a birthday gift to myself and it continues your prosex, prochoice advocacy. It was a brave decision to share your abortion story. It was also an important decision in a world where women’s rights to choose are being systematically stripped away.

Baby News: Fuck!

Four Weeks

And while Martian is a page-tuner, I’ve got to draw a line. The “love” that you and Lil Wayne have is dangerous. I know you have a niche. I know you have a core audience with expectations. I know you need to make that money, but I can’t ride for you and let other people think that your depiction of love is okay with me. Now, I generally don’t make a habit of telling people they love wrong. I’ve been flying around the country collecting definitions of love from women and children for my research, and I know there are as many definitions as there are people.

For my current project Shades of Infidelity, I’m interviewing women about their experiences with infidelity, and I’ve asked all of them to define love. I’ve learned so much about life and love that this isn’t me passing judgment on your open relationship with Lil Wayne. This is me telling you that a relationship that lacks mutual trust, respect, and honest communication isn’t a healthy love. Here come the spoilers. You define love as “the spirit of caring to the maximum level of shared connection.” Fine. Then you describe love with Wayne:

“Wayne didn’t want to know everything or anything at all, except that I loved him.”

“Wayne was loving me the way he wanted to love me, but I was loving him the way he needed to be loved.”

“He was a jealous and possessive man when it came to the women he loved. He never wanted to hear about other men. Ever. Even though all this women had no choice but to hear about all his other women and accept it.”

All bad, Karrine. Per your own definition, you’re coming up short. Is this what the maximum level of connection looks like? More importantly is this what the maximum level of connection looks like?

I know you’re both working and these representations are part of your jobs. I’m certain they fail to accurately reflect the extent of your relationship, but for all the babygirls that are fans of yours, I need them to know that:

  • When you can’t talk to your partner about that time he hurt your feelings when he flew you across the country, holed you up in a hotel, and never showed up to meet you, it’s not okay
  • Sleeping with his friend just to make him jealous instead of telling him that his getting everybody pregnant and you hearing about it on the street was hurtful, is not ideal.
  • Being in a relationship where there is no reciprocity is not a healthy relationship.

If you were just sexing Wayne for pleasure, that would be fine (although I’m not entirely sure what you see in him), but to call what you describe in Martian as love is not fine. Not. At. All.

Raw

I agree. Sometimes a man and a woman have an understanding that even they don’t understand. I have been there. But this is not that. There’s no understanding. He hurts your feelings. You swallow them. You try to move on. Love relationships require communication to achieve that understanding and that maximum level of connection. I need to communicate to you that you deserve better. You’ve been hurt. A lot. But don’t give up on yourself. Learn from your mistakes. Olivia Pope is wrong (but that’s another post). Love is not supposed to hurt more than it heals you. Love yourself first. Tell yourself the truth about this unhealthy relationship. If you can agree not to glamorize the pain anymore, I’ll agree to keep riding for you. Can you and I share that understanding?

Dr. Ebony Utley
The Woman with Ideas
theutleyexperience.com

Father Time–white man, white hair

Uncle Sam- white man, white hair

Santa Claus- white man, white hair

Moses- white man, white hair

The Forefathers- White men, white hair

Baby New Year- White baby

Jesus- White

Mother Nature- White Woman

Helen of Troy – White Woman

Lady Godiva- White Woman, White Horse

Mother Nature

White knight, white noise, white lies, white diamonds, Snow White, White House, and the ever popular white rose.

White velvet cake, white tea, white rice, white truffles, white potatoes, white onions, and oh yes blonde roast coffee

White peaches, white pumpkins, white wine, and White Christmas.

White christmas

White is the ultimate authority, they set it up that way, so that ain’t nothing good until it’s white.

Look at chocolate, dark, sweet, cream, milk–but no that wasn’t enough they had to go and make

that white too, and white chocolate isn’t even chocolate!



You don’t see chocolate vanilla do you. I knew they wouldn’t stop at milk. They may as well say,

here drink this, white it does a body good.

Racism is everywhere and its not subtle.

Another poem from It Ain’t Just the Size

How does one explain that the one billion dollars you spent on a presidential election got you soundly drubbed by over 100 electoral votes margin? How do you justify the loss of each congressional candidate that was backed by 300 million in ads?

In the most telling of moments of the 2012 election it was hurricane Sandy showed people racism and prejudice is not functional for a forward moving country. Racism exists, prejudice exists, and it exists culturally and institutionally, especially for whites. This polarization runs across race and across class. After the re-election of President Barack Obama tens of thousands have signed petitions to secede from the union, an absurd proposition, but the sentiment that prejudice carries trump common sense. In the midst of this loud and prevalent ignorance some are waking up. Some realize that we cannot longer look at the countries the USA has attacked over the years or will engage in the future and say that they weren’t peppered with racist notions.

Today blacks that graduate with college degrees are twice as unlikely to get hired as their white counterparts. To say that America is racist is not a rhetorical narrative. White America is not prepared to view the world how it is or how it is becoming. They want everyone to think like them, many of them have a stuck in the past mentality. When they are confronted with a multi-ethnic, multi-religious and multi-racial society they retreat to what comforts them and politicians and the 24 hours networks give them that comfort.

The media plays it loud, clear and repeatedly that they can go back to a time when half the country wasn’t free, to a time when the natives were being exterminated and their land occupied, to a time when the theft of Mexico’s land was underway, to a time when 4 million where enslaved. How can this narrative be the main one that is played over and over again by journalists, networks or any responsible party, because it is their agenda? And the disillusioned, jaded masses find solace in these and every fringe narrative propagated by the media. Then they present specials on why social media sites are often deluged with racist, sexist and homophobic rants as if the media didn’t bring people on to put it out to the masses.

The sport of politics continues on as the ratings driven media engine and fringe bloggers gently pull the racial heart strings of the prejudice and ill informed masses. In a free country demographics change, times change, but you still loudly heard the chants of “take our country back!’  Networks and commentators echoed these very same chants. Networks sieges on and repeat flawed and absurd narratives even when the rhetoric came from non-credible sources. This repetition not only reinforced this racial psychosis, but allowed people to cling on to racist notions, and live happily every after with ignorant sound bites. In the end, some believed, even subconsciously,  that race was more important that correcting the countries dire economic situation. This belief was and is so strong that some are willing to allow the country to collapse, to not hire people, and to undermine the President.

Politicians don’t have the fortitude to tell their constituents that the country no longer looks like it did when your forefather had power. Instead they fleece and exploit and lie to them to stay in office, to stay relevant. Countless commentators are willing to blow dog whistles and toss red meat as long as networks will give opportunities to commentate.

For liberals, conservative and anyone in-between the entertainment complex contains far too many bad acting participants to name, however, there is a market for hate, racism and prejudice. This market has led its followers, its donors and its noble activist to often be mistaken about the nature of the America’s problems. They become jaded, biased and socially irresponsible, quite simply it’s a sickness. This complex pits one vs. the other, lauds and celebrates party identification even though this identification inherently forces people reject factual narratives and new information. Some people feel as though they are nothing without the party, the party is a part of their identity. It is this party identity that urges people to vote against their and the country’s best interest.

The election is over and for Americans, all the ill will is no longer on the front page, the negativity is no longer blaring 24 hour a day. And on we trudge without so much as an apology, without a hint of remorse, and without a resolution to the sickness. For Americans it’s business as usual and on to the next crisis for the news media, on to the next pundit that seeks only to continue the debate and on to the next election of cruelty. Forward.

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Dear President Barack Obama and Congress:

With all due respect President Barack Obama we demand that you mandate fixing of educational standards and end the educational money-pit,  encourage the formation of a Black Defense League. prompt the Department of Justice to look into the 11% of cases of inmates they have said shouldn’t be incarcerated, investigate and reverse every racially biased law, revamp America’s legal sand prison system and give reparations to slave descendants that only applies to the 1st two years of college.

We also request that you revive the truth in advertising laws, stop the advertising of drugs and alcohol on television and cable, stop the advertising of adult and sexual themes on children’s networks, stop using war and conflicts as a jobs bills, stop giving South America and drug cartels 200 billion per year, stop giving all other countries billions of dollars yearly to be our ally, pull our troops out of 162 countries, close the border and regulate it, reform immigration policies, and change US foreign policy.

We implore Congress incentivize corporations to build in Africa not take its natural resources, decrease the importance of the Stock Market, end Matching Funds, reform election rules (including those of broadcast stations), float the idea of creating multiple viable political parties, stop drilling for oil off the coast, let Detroit automakers go bankrupt, mandate females to register for selective service, pull embassies out of countries that don’t like us, stop building nations and reallocate forces to rebuild bridges, roads and schools in America.

We request that you ensure that All laws are equal, stop absurd differing age regulations due to state, end baseball antitrust exemption, leave Cuba alone, stop funding Mexican drug cartels, tax companies that outsource, change the tax code, require that all companies that do business in America pay a minimum wage to workers in other countries, legalize marijuana, ban guns (which contrary to popular belief is entirely possible and legal), reduce the size of the military, ban lobbying and encourage companies to release the cures for human conditions instead of merely maintaining conditions for profit.

Yes the president isn’t God an the Government can’t do everything for us. Most of these things listed were allowed and pushed by president and government, so this is were we Americans begin negotiations. Of course we could keep slowly rolling along with the same movements, but we are in unprecedented territory and now is the time for us to be unprecedented! We have to let go of of the old, the outdated, anything else is unacceptable.

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I was going to marry the mother of my daughter.

I was working a regular nine to five.

I had just got promoted to supervisor and everything.

I came home early one day and there she was, smashing the homie.

The whole time I was fucking dude up, she was saying

“you’re always working!”,

“you’re never home!”

While I was choking old dude I kept thinking “that bitch just didn’t love me!”

I was hurting him, because it was hurting me.

When I was in county jail, she kept visiting me saying “I’m sorry”, this that and the third.

She even told me how much she really needed me.

When I got out I went over to her house and there she was,

pregnant by this other dude and he was kicking her ass and shit.

It almost made the GPS bracket worth wearing.

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For more pick up It Ain’t Just the Size for only .99 on Kindle

Penis Envy

You haven’t wondered what it would be like if you had one?

You have never marveled at how fast it grows?

You never thought about being wrapped in heat, thrust deep?

You would wonder what length it would be if you had one

and if that’s the spot,

You would know why you have to act confident,

even when you’ve undershot.

You would wonder why it hangs a little to the left

and why penetration at odd times produces a bass clef.

You would silently question why you have to put it away

and why it wants to; at times when you can’t play.

You would know why it needs someone else’s touch

and be left thinking why such a big part of you, really isn’t all that much.

I bet you would wonder where to put it next

and, you would wonder if that last stoke was your best.

You would wonder why cold water make it shrink

and, why it always seems to know exactly what you think.

You would know that in the cold, its partners pull in tight

and you would wonder why you can’t do any damage,

even when you using all your might.

And why sometimes you have to walk with a limp

and, you would know the reasons you just can’t fuck with the tip.

And just when you think enough has been said

You will sit back and just marvel at the shaft or maybe the head.

You don’t have to admit it,

but you had to wondered if a moaning, groaning,

heart beating, blood surging,

skin stretching, teeth gritting,

hand gripping, muscle tightening,

knee weakening, body jerking,

rock hard, throbbing

climax could even come close to a woman’s multiple orgasm?

 

For more pick up It Ain’t Just the Size on Kindle for .99!

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We have the biggest best military,

We have the smartest people,

we are dropping bombs,

using troops,

laws,

sanctions,

aircraft carriers,

x-rays,

body scanners,

pat-downs,

we have all these cameras and  computers, but no matter what we do, it seems like bad

things are supposed to happen.

We headline all the bad things and bury the good ones.

We focus on war, violence and the mistreatment of others.

We keep spending and spending,

We burn with hate, live in terror and spread fear

–that can’t be right

–that can’t be right

—it just can’t be.

Somebody somewhere throws a rock and it changes the lives of everyone, that’s crazy.

And by bad things, I am not just talking about war and terror.

Whether you believe in evil or light and dark forces or not,

you have to admit that a lot of things that happen seems senseless.

It seems, that every time someone give into vices, it is somehow connected to something larger

something that pushes us towards an avoidable end.

Towards happenings that had to happen and couldn’t have happened any other way.

It’s just too easy to do the wrong thing.

I guess that’s how you know that it’s wrong.

Is this the way thing are supposed to be?

Are we already in hell?

Pick up “It Ain’t Just the Size” on Kindle for only .99 for the answer.

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