My mother and father used to argue and fight a lot, so one day he left us.
My mother got so caught up chasing after
no account negroes
that she completely forgot about me.
I grew up really wanting her love,
wanting her to love me.
I never got it.
I remember it started long before freeze-tag. I always like to put on
my mothers shoes.
You remember the Road Runner Show, the one with Wile. E. Coyote–
well that’s all I was thinking about.
I wasn’t even thinking about “hide-n-go-get-it”,
when these so-called men started touching on me.
The whole time they were doing these things to me they were telling
me that it was love,
that it was right.
“If you don’t do it, I’m ah tell your mother.”
I learned and was told shit that I shouldn’t have known or done until
I was grown.
I tried to tell some family members, but they didn’t want to talk about it.
It was like I deserved it,
like I asked for it.
So I grew up afraid.
I hit puberty and my feelings of love for my mother turned sexual.
And all of a sudden
I was attracted to her,
but anger is what made me perpetuate it.
Somewhere along the line a part of me liked the feelings the sex brought.
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