I know this is not how I usually start off your day. I know you were expecting me to hit you with a provocative question, a poem , philosophy or book updates, but for the last few days something has been eating at me, and I just feel that I have to share this story with you, so please read on.

On Sunday me and the fellas played basketball, after the game one of my homeboys said that he would come by my house later that night. I said “No Problem.” So later on he calls me and says ‘We are on our way’, apparently he is bringing someone with him. He arrives at my house with two ladies and I was like “okkaaay.” I went into the kitchen to finish washing dishes, all of a sudden I heard screams coming from my living room. I run into the living room and my couch is just screaming “GET UP, GET UP!”  All I could think was ‘aawww damn, my couch!’ I asked the young lady if she would rather sit on my other couch, thinking that I might be able to save my couch, or perhaps the wood plank was only fractured and not broken. She declined to relocate. In hindsight I am sort of glad that she didn’t move Lord knows what else she could have broken.

My tone and facial reaction to the occurrence prompted everyone to laugh, so I played it off like everything was cool, but my night was ruined. The Grammys happened to be on and I couldn’t even enjoy the Michael Jackson tribute, needless to say I was glad when they left. In the light of day I could see that my five month old couch was at the very least dented, but upon further examination the wood plank had been broken.

Explicative!

Explicative! She must have flopped her largeness on my couch and that is what had killed it. I won’t go into detail, but I’ve done all kinds of things on that couch and it had never made a peep. Generally when there is too much mass accumulated in one human, that human is called fat. Ladies lets be clear I’m not calling her fat, my couch is calling her fat. Basically she is a trashcan. That sound we all heard when she sat down told her ‘Don’t sit here. Please move’, I mean really if that isn’t a hint and a half for you. Needless to say I will be rearranging furniture this weekend.

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